Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
