no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
