i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
