Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
