i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
