You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
