Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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