I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
