I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
