On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
