The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
