the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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