mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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