i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
