I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
