What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
