You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
