Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I skipped work to stalk him.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
