careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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