just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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