I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
