Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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