He kissed a someone with a penis
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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