how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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