y did u give ur computer a hand job?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
