I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
