Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
