He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
