It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
