At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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