Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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