how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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