Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
