my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
