he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
