All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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