have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
