Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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