im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
