apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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