If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
