omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the day after is always just damage control
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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