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Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He passed out mid-signature
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
