WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
