I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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