Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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