Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
