It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
