Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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