You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
