Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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