Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
