well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
