haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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