Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
