I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
