Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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