Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
