Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
