I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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