She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
