the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize