you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
