Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
