you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
