I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
