The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
