I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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