Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
