finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
