I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
