It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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