Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
