I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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