it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
