chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I did not marry a roomba.
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