I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
